Cop:

• Please step out of the car

Me:

• i'm too drunk, You get in

A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send a bill to her husband!

Me:

• It's not about how many times You fall, but about how many times You get back up

Police officer:

• That's not how field sobriety test work

The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks. He was right, I had to sell my car to pay the bill.